


night-blooming flower

by doop_doop



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comfort, Confessions, Gentleness, Kissing, M/M, POV Felix Fraldarius
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 09:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20654702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doop_doop/pseuds/doop_doop
Summary: Felix catches Ashe crying, and does his best.





	night-blooming flower

Felix could not sleep. 

His body was tired; he’d done his regular training regimen that day, after all. But he lay in bed, tossing and turning, closing his eyes and waiting with no result. Finally, after what felt like hours, he heaved a sigh and sat up. This wasn’t working; he had to try something else.

He decided to take a walk. Felix was not a poetic person by any means, but there was something pleasant about the lonely stillness of Garreg Mach at night. It felt like a different place entirely when you took away all the people, and Felix liked it much more.

He made his way south, towards the lake. He didn’t frequent this area - too many other people, too far from the training grounds - and this part of campus felt even more unfamiliar now, with the only light coming from the pale moon overhead.

Then Felix realized: no, the moon  _ wasn’t  _ the only light - there was one coming from inside the greenhouse. But why? Was someone really gardening in the middle of the night?

Felix’s first thought was:  _ Intruders!,  _ and his heart gave a little leap of glee - he had his sword on his hip, of course; he didn’t leave his room without it. Then he realized someone breaking into the monastery just to infiltrate the greenhouse was highly unlikely, and paused. It would not do to go rushing in, sword drawn, and terrify a classmate. It was most likely Raphael, eating vegetables straight out of the dirt. This almost certainly was not worth Felix’s time.

But he stared at that light, and wondered; and eventually that curiosity burned so strongly he felt compelled to approach. He’d glance in, just to see who it was, just to make sure it wasn’t an intruder after all. He’d be so quick, so silent the other person wouldn’t even notice.

Felix crept close and peered in one of the windows, only to see a familiar silvery head. It was Ashe; he was holding a candle in one hand, but he was facing away, so Felix couldn’t make out what he was doing. This gave Felix pause. Ashe liked to garden, it was true, but… why now? 

As Felix watched, he realized that there was something vaguely familiar in Ashe’s posture: he was a little hunched over, his shoulders shaking. Felix could not hear anything, so he couldn’t be entirely sure; but the more he observed, the more confident he was that Ashe was crying.

Felix was torn. Had it been anyone else, this would have been the moment he would have scoffed and crept away. Everyone cried sometimes, even Felix, although he always chose a place he’d never be caught. He didn’t give a shit for most of his classmates, but he was kind enough to respect their dignity and ignore their tears when he saw them.

But… Ashe.

Ashe didn’t necessarily want his crying to be ignored. Just last week Felix had been studying in a corner of the Blue Lions’ common room when he’d heard Ashe and Mercedes literally crying on each other’s shoulders.  _ What a mess, _ Felix had thought to himself, wishing there was a way to extricate himself from the situation without revealing his presence; but he’d just been forced to sit in a corner, trying not to hear the sound even as it grated on his nerves. And then, when they were finished, Ashe had said, “Thank you so much.”

_ Thank you? _ Felix had thought, rolling his eyes.  _ What does  _ ** _that_ ** _ mean? Thank you for… crying on me? _

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Mercedes said. “I know how much it can help just to have someone hold you while you cry!”

Ashe had laughed weepily and agreed, and they’d left soon after; but Felix sat there for a while, thinking. His classmates were  _ so different _ from him that so different he sometimes felt like a foreign exchange student adapting to a new culture. How in the world would it help  _ anything  _ to have someone hold you while you cried? What would be the benefit of it? In Felix’s mind, it would make the crying that much worse, having someone observe your shame.

But, at the same time, Felix had felt a stirring in his chest to hear Ashe say those words to Mercedes, and his hands had clenched into fists. He liked to think of himself as self-aware, but that reaction confused him. It wasn’t normal annoyance, but something else; and it took him a day’s worth of thinking to realize he was actually  _ jealous. _

_ Jealous?! _ he thought. _ Of what, exactly? Do I want someone to dampen my shoulder?  _

No, he realized; because he wanted  _ Ashe _ to dampen his shoulder - to look at him and say,  _ Felix, thank you… _

And now, here he was, seeing Ashe crying yet again, no Mercedes or anyone else to be seen… 

Felix hesitated. Everything logical in him screamed for him to go, to creep away and never mention it. But there was a small part of him that called up Ashe’s words - a part of Felix that longed for Ashe’s thanks and recognition and gratitude.

_ Ashe saying thank you - if he even does say thank you - will not be worth him sobbing on your shoulder, _ Felix told himself.  _ And, anyway, he probably  _ ** _won’t _ ** _ be grateful. He will probably just think it strange you came in here at all. You are a far cry from Mercedes, after all. _

In response, Felix’s brain conjured up an image of Ashe, eyes wide, looking up at Felix, saying Felix’s name. Smiling.  _ Thank you, Felix… _

Felix grimaced. Crept away. Stood at the door for thirty seconds. Then, hating himself, he entered.

Ashe spun around, the candle flickering for a moment. He did not relax when he saw Felix. “H-hello!” he said, his voice a little higher than normal. “What are you doing here?”

Felix paused. Maybe this was a mistake to begin with. Unfortunately for him, he could not rewind the past ten seconds; so he took a deep breath and spoke. “I couldn’t sleep, so I was taking a walk. I noticed a light in the greenhouse. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t an intruder.”

“Nope! No intruder,” Ashe said. “Sorry to cause you trouble.”

He stood for a long moment, just gazing at Felix, and Felix realized Ashe was expecting him to leave. But Felix had come here for a reason, and he hadn’t forgotten it. “Why are you crying?” 

Ashe stared at him. Felix knew this must seem strange. He normally was not the comforting type; probably Ashe was trying to figure out what he was up to. “Nothing in particular,” Ashe said. “Just… little things add up, and sometimes it all just… comes pouring out at once.”

“I understand.” 

“You do?”

“Yes,” Felix said, sounding more annoyed than he felt. “You think I never cry?”

“Well…” Ashe laughed, the tension in him easing. “To be totally honest, I wasn’t sure. I’ve never seen it.”

“Because I don’t like to cry around others. But…” Here it was - here was what he’d come to say.  _ Say it, Felix. Spit it out. But don’t make it sound mean! _ “If you ever want someone’s shoulder to cry on, you can cry on mine. I don’t mind.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Would I say it if I didn’t?” Felix snapped. He forced himself to take a deep breath. He did not mean to upset Ashe; that was the opposite of his intention, in fact. He was  _ terrible  _ at this. “Even if I don’t want other people to see me cry, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you cry,” and, hm, that also wasn’t right. He felt his face flush. Damn it…

But Ashe, he saw, was smiling. There were no tears on his cheeks now, although his eyes were still red from crying; it made his irises look very, very green. Felix’s throat felt tight. “Anyways,” Felix went on, “I can leave now. I just wanted to let you know…” 

Ashe turned away and set the candle on the ground. Then he stepped towards Felix and, before Felix knew what was happening, threw his arms around him. 

Felix’s first instinct was to freeze in shock. Ashe’s chin was on his shoulder; his hair brushed Felix’s cheek, and his arms were around Felix, pulling him tight. It was terribly intimate. Felix didn’t know what he’d expected, but it certainly hadn’t been Ashe flinging himself about in this way. But a handful of seconds ticked by, and Felix found himself relaxing. He raised his arms to pat Ashe’s back, and felt the other boy exhale deeply. 

_ I am holding Ashe, _ Felix thought.  _ His chest is against mine.  _ The vividness of it was near overwhelming. Felix had thought about this several times since he’d overheard Ashe and Mercedes; he’d thought about what it might be like to touch him, to feel him cry on his shoulder, to hear his weepy voice say Felix’s name. And now something like that was really happening. His heart was beating faster than during a battle. 

“Thank you,” Ashe said, finally pulling away. The candle on the ground provided only a dim light, just enough to make out his outline. That was a shame, because this was the closest they’d ever been, and Felix wished he could see his face more clearly. 

“It’s nothing,” Felix said, stepping away. “And you don’t have to cry in the greenhouse in the middle of the night. That’s weird.” 

“I didn’t want to disturb anyone.”

“I…” Felix stared at his feet.  _ Say it. Say it. _ “You can… disturb me.”

“I appreciate that you don’t hide yourself around me anymore, Felix.”

Felix jerked his head up to look at him, surprised. “What are you talking about?”

“I know you sometimes put up a front,” Ashe said. “You don’t want other people to know certain things about you. But, lately, I feel like you haven’t put that front up around me as much… and it makes me really glad.”

“You… what are you talking about? A ‘front’?”

“You pretend to be tougher around others,” Ashe went on. “Uncaring, aloof. But I - I feel like I know a side of you others don’t get to see. ...Maybe I’m cursing myself by even bringing it up, huh? Now that I’ve mentioned it to you, you’ll probably try to hide it…”

Felix narrowed his eyes. The candle was still on the ground, making it impossible to see Ashe’s facial expression. But Ashe never said things like this to be mean - Felix knew that well. He could tease, he could joke, but he didn’t mock or taunt. 

So although Felix felt his cheeks  _ burning, _ he said, “It’s because you’re different from everyone else.”

“Different how?”

“Maybe it’s because I don’t know you as well as I know some of the others, but you…” Something about the darkness and odd setting made Felix feel disconnected from himself, as if he was floating high above, watching himself speak from a distance. “You seem like you mean what you say more than they do. At first I thought you were full of shit, but you really believe what you tell people - about being knightly and good and fair.” 

“I’m glad you see me that way,” Ashe said, his voice soft. “I try not to say things I don’t mean.”

“That’s what makes you different from everyone else,” Felix said. “They feel no shame in talking about grand concepts like mercy and peace, but they secretly crave war. You aren’t a hypocrite - though it’s true I know you less well than some. I hope I am not wrong about you.”

“You aren’t wrong!” Ashe said. “Felix… it makes me happy, hearing you say things like this.”

_ Say my name again, _ Felix wanted to say.  _ It sounds good in your voice.  _ “At least you aren’t crying anymore.”

“You’ve got me all figured out, so it’s my turn to say something about you.” Ashe bent down and picked the candle up again, and finally Felix could see his face: he was smiling, maybe even  _ blushing, _ though Felix couldn’t be sure. “You care very deeply about your friends, but you hide it beneath a layer of sarcasm because you don’t want them to know.”

“That’s false.”

“No it isn’t!”

“Then give me proof.”

“You - you just offered for me to visit you whenever I want to cry,” Ashe said. “That’s a  _ very _ kind thing to do.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m kind to other people,” Felix said. “I would only do that for you.”

Ashe paused, and Felix thought,  _ Oh shit… _

“You would only do that for me?”

“I certainly wouldn’t let the Boar cry on my shoulder, would I?” Felix said. “Can you imagine?”

“I… Felix, am I - to you, am I…”

“I  _ said  _ you’re different, didn’t I?” Felix said, stepping back. But Ashe stepped forward, following him, and Felix felt his throat tighten. How had this gone in such a strange direction? This wasn’t how he’d envisioned the conversation playing out at all. “I meant it.”

“I really admire you, you know.”

“I  _ know,” _ Felix said, trying to sound less thrilled than he felt. “It’s pretty clear when you keep comparing me to your favorite character, calling me a knight...”

“I mean it!” Ashe said. “And so… hearing that I’m special to you…”

Ashe was still coming towards him, but Felix stopped retreating. His back was nearly against the greenhouse wall, anyway.

Ashe set down the candle a second time. “I was embarrassed that you caught me crying, but that was silly, wasn’t it? You’ve seen me crying before. You don’t think I’m weak for it.”

Felix’s mouth felt very dry.

“I - I really  _ admire  _ you, Felix…”

“You keep saying that!” Felix snapped, though with far less venom than usual. “What do you even  _ mean?”  _

“I look up to you. I… I want you to notice me. I want you to respect me, to admire me too…”

Felix laughed harshly. “It sounds like you’re in love with me.”

The silence that stretched on made his heart lurch.

“Not  _ love,” _ Ashe said at last, his voice very small. “But I. Admire you.”

“Stop  _ saying _ that,” Felix said, but suddenly there was a hand on his cheek, callused but gentle, and he sucked a breath in sharply in surprise.

“Felix,” Ashe said, and Felix shivered. “Felix, I don’t know the words to describe how I feel any better than that. I’m sorry I keep repeating myself.”

“Do you want to kiss me or something?” Felix muttered. It was a cool night, but now he felt hot, burning hot.

“...Yes.”

Oh, what he’d give for this to be happening in the day - what he’d give to be able to see Ashe’s face… But on some level Felix knew it never would have happened in the light; he would have been more guarded, kept more distance. He would not be backed up against a wall, Ashe’s hand resting lightly on his cheek, Ashe’s face close to his, Ashe’s breath in his mouth.

Ashe’s lips on his lips. 

It was a light touch, and too quick; Felix leaned in just as Ashe pulled away - but Ashe came back, and they kissed a second time. Felix felt the slide of Ashe’s lips on his, warm and soft, so soft. He tasted sweet, but, somehow, Felix found himself not minding.

Felix reached a hand up to mirror Ashe’s pose, resting it on Ashe’s cheek. The skin was cool and a little damp still, and Felix rubbed it with his thumb, trying to dry the last of the tears even as they kissed again.

When they paused and Felix opened his eyes at last, it was very, very dark.

“Oh,” Ashe said, “the candle went out…” 

“We’d best be getting back to our rooms anyways,” Felix said. “It’s late. You’re not crying anymore, are you?”

“No,” Ashe said, “I’m not crying.” Felix heard the smile in his voice, and felt something scrabbling at his sleeve - Ashe’s hand; after a moment it found his hand, and slipped in. Their fingers intertwined; Ashe’s hand was warm.

“Come on,” Felix said, “let’s go back.”

They stumbled out into the dark of the night and started off together, moonlight guiding their way.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, come say hi on [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/doop_doop2)


End file.
